


I don't want to fly, I want to fall

by Rootcx



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2020-05-13 18:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19256512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rootcx/pseuds/Rootcx
Summary: The glass hits the picture frame, shattering the happy smiles. And with it, their friendship and Lena's heart!!!HUGE TRIGGER WARNING!!!Read tags!





	1. Then the Quiet Explotion

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!!!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!  
> Please don't read if descriptions of suicide triggers you! I want you all to be safe okay?

The icy wind hit her cheek as she stepped out on to the office balcony. Lena should have felt the urge to wrap her arms around herself, instead, she feels nothing except for the goosebumps tightening over her skin. A shiver runs through her body, Lena barely feels it. 

The wind howls around her, making it hard to hear the city below. Lena’s ebony hair which had previously been up in a tight ponytail had been let down. It now dances around her face, the wind tugging at it without mercy. 

Unsteady feet make their way to the railing. Reaching out she grips the metal firmly, breathing out a jagged breath. She forces another breath out willing her stomach to stop twisting itself useless and keep the liquor down. Leaning forward Lena tilts her head down towards the streets below. It’s busy, people and cars down below all in a hurry to go somewhere. Lena can feel her chest fill with the slightest bit of envy. Envy towards the small black blobs moving around underneath the brightly lit streetlamps. Envy because they had a purpose, a destination. Envy because they probably had something or someone to go home to.  
Angry- angry because she was alone. Because she had no one. No one at all. 

The heat in her chest quickly died as Lena was once again overcome with the emptiness of before. She was alone and the small forms down below weren’t. Tears obscured her vision making the city lights stretch out over the buzzing streets. One after another they glided over her cheeks, stopping briefly at Lena’s chin before plummeting to the bright lights below. Silently the raven-haired woman wept, removing her hands from the riling to stumble back a step and hands desperately clutching at her chest. A ragged breath left her lungs, almost suppressed by the sheer pressure sobbing woman was putting on her lungs. 

The emptiness was now overbearing. So heavy, so painful that in a last attempt Lena wanted to reach in and fill the void that consumed her chest. Eyes screwed shut wanting so badly to block out the pain. 

Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. 

Her sobs were now audible and clear. Cutting through the wind like a newly sharpened blade. Her legs were shaking as she opened her eyes, her vision like before was obscured by the tears. Only one thing was clear, the railing. 

She stumbled forward and not thinking she swung her left leg over. She could hear her skirt rip from the sudden movement but didn’t care. 

Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. 

Her other leg was now over and she stood gripping the railing, facing her office. Inside Lena could see the empty bottle on the floor by her desk, the glass, also empty still situated on top of the shattered picture frame. 

Not bearing to look at it any longer Lena slowly shifted her bare feet and turned around. She was now looking out over the city again. 

Her head was now spinning, only a few vicious words bounced around in Lena’s fuzzy head. It felt like her tears had drowned out all other thoughts. 

Blinded by the tormenting images in her mind the Luthor loosened her grip just slightly. 

Tears still streaming down Lena’s face released a rough breath. 

Alone. Unwanted. Unloved. Alone. Unwanted. Unloved. Alone. Unwanted. Unloved. 

Shifting her footing just a bit Lena closed her eyes. 

“Lena!” A scream of terror made her open her eyes in fright, almost making her lose her footing on the narrow ledge. 

Looking to her right she was met by Supergirl floating in mid-air just a few meters away. She wore a horrified look on her face. The dark sky illuminating her light figure.

“Lena-” The Luthor could tell the Kryptonian was paralyzed, conflicted on what to do or say. “what are you doing?” Confusion joined the panic on her face for a split second before being overridden by fear. 

A fresh wave of tears once again coated the raven-haired woman’s face. What was she doing? What was she going to do? 

Deciding to ignore Kara’s question of ‘what’ she was doing the loathing brewing in Lena’s stomach ever since the blonde showed up made her instead focus on the ‘why’. 

With a shaky voice, Lena spoke. “Why did you keep it from me?” It only took a short moment before she could read recognition on her best friend's features. Kara stammered, clearly not ready to hear those words. 

The Luthor instead continued, her voice becoming more and more upset as the words left her mouth. “Everone I’ve ever loved or trusted have betrayed me. Everyone! But I thought surely not you. Surely not Kara.” She was screaming, hate and betrayal mixed with agony and emptiness made her voice breathless and strained. “After all this time! I trusted you more than anyone! I opened up to you.” 

She could see Kara trying to force a word out but Lena cut her off, wanting to say one last thing. “I loved you from the moment you walked into my office all those years ago but never said anything in fear of ruining our friendship. I now realize it was ruined all along.” 

It was too much, looking into the face of the woman she had held so dear. Kara’s face was now also covered in tears, her eyes red and watery. Still stammering, searing for the right thing to say. 

Lena looked away. She closed her eyes, and let go.


	2. Soul on Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena just tried to kill herself, what will happen now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!TW: Suicide attempt (aftermath), forced sedation!!!!

No scream erupted from her lungs. The shock of falling squashed any noise of panic except the rapid breathing making Lena feel lightheaded. 

With her eyes tightly closed, Lena only felt the air travel past her. Time seemed to have slowed down and sped up at the same time. She was no longer breathing, moving her arms in towards her chest readying herself for impact. The engines of cars and conversations growing louder. 

Any time now. Any time now her mind would be taken away. Any time now she would be gone, she wouldn’t feel a thing. No pain. No more suffering. Any second now, she would no longer be. 

Any time now. 

A sharp inhalation made her open her eyes. Strong arms were engulfing her tense body. Fresh rage filled her lungs as she looked up at the face that she was supposed to have forgotten. 

“YOU FUCKING BITCH!!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE-” the Luthor’s lungs would only grant her so many words until the air ran out. She tried to hit the blonde. Tried being the keyword. Every punch and scratch left no irritation, there was no grimace of pain on Kara’s face. This enraged the brunette even more. “YOU SHOULD’VE LET ME DIE YOU SELFISH PIECE OF- OF- SHIT HOW COULD YOU-” again her lungs failed her. 

Lena didn’t notice the buildings fly by. She didn’t notice them landing at first until the lack of wind made her pause. 

“Everyone out!” A roar came from Kara snapped her out of her rage. Lena looked around for the first time in about a minute. The Luthor recognised the DEO headquarters in an instant. 

Within seconds the room was cleared, people basically up and ran in every direction until it was only her and the Kryptonian left. 

Lena pushed herself out of Kara’s grip, collapsed for a moment on the floor, then forcing herself up on shaky legs. 

The brunette raised her gaze, with furrowed brows she looked upon the Supers face. 

Kara’s bright blue’s where filled with tears, small drops travelled down rosy cheeks. One arm was swung over her open mouth as she sobbed into her elbow crease. 

Lena took a step back, her grief and feelings of betrail where momentarily subsided by shock and a powerful sense of guilt. 

“I couldn’t let you die. I just wouldn’t. I wouldn't.” Kara forced the words out between sobs, gasping for air. “Lena I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I’m sorry I lied. You have every reason to be upset with me but I couldn't let you fall. I was my fault that you were there to begin with.” The last sentence was interrupted by audible cries which in their turn were muffled by Kara’s suit-clad arm.

“Why did you lie to me, Kara? Why did you keep it from me for all these years????” The guilt died with an instant, feelings of loathing returned with brute force. Green eyes started to once again well up with tears. 

“I couldn’t lose you: I was afraid okay? I was a coward.” Kara was no longer speaking into her elbow. Her arms here now outstretched in desperation. The blonde tried to reach out to the fuming woman, pleading expression on her face. 

Lena took a stiff step backwards. Wiping the back of her hand under her nose the raven-haired girl spoke between gritted teeth. “Don’t touch me.” 

Kara retracted her hand as if she had gotten burned. Her blue eyes filled with new tears, dripping down her chin. Her hands instead gripped at the suit on her chest. At her heart. 

“I’ve lost you haven’t I?” Gripping tightly at her chest Kara looked up at Lena. 

“You should’ve let me die.” The Luthor said before walking past the Super toward the exit. 

Kara jumped forward, taking a hurried step in Lena’s direction. “I can’t let you leave!” 

The Kryptonian had reached the brunette in mere milliseconds, this time not using her superspeed as to not upset the younger woman further.   
She stood with pleading eyes, blocking Lena’s view of the tall glass windows. 

“Let me through!” The Luthor tried to push Kara out of her way but her attempts were of course fruitless. The blonde did not move an inch. “You can’t keep me here!” Lena now tried to walk around Kara but was stopped at every turn. Frustration and hatred filled her green eyes.

“I’m sorry Lena, but I can. You just tried to commit suicide which makes it my legal obligation to bring you to a mental health facility for assessment. I can’t let you go.” 

“I DON’T CARE!!! LET ME GO!” Lena was now screaming as Kara received blows to her chest and arms. 

Using her superspeed for just a second Kara moved around Lena taking her forearms and folding them over her heaving chest. Holding her there Kara called out to Alex who appeared behind a corner, calm and collected, she moved towards her sister and the still struggling woman in her arms. 

“Get me a sedative. I gotta take her.” Alex only nodded and ran out of sight.   
Lena stilled, her breath was still heavy as panic sipped through her veins. “Kara no don’t take me please I can’t go back, I can’t. I won’t do it again I promise just let me go.” 

“I’ll take you somewhere where the press won’t find you. Somewhere safe.” She could feel Lena start to tense even more in her grip. “I’m sorry Lena but if I let you go now chances are you’re not telling the truth and you’ll hurt yourself. And I can’t let you go knowing that is a likely possibility.” Lena knew that what the blonde was saying was true but still she tried to crawl out of Kara’s iron grip. 

Alex once again appeared, now with a small syringe partly hidden from view. 

“Lena it’s okay, we’re trying to help you. We’re trying to keep you alive.” Alex’s steady voice made its way through Lena’s disordered mind.

“Alex please no don’t, don’t, don’t! I hate those places Kara don’t do this!” As the needle punctured Lena’s right arms she immediately felt the effects, first only making her relaxed, then dizzy. She felt Kara first loosening her grip, then lift her up as she had done before, one hand behind her back another carrying her legs. 

The last thing Lena could comprehend was a tear that fell from Kara’s cheek. It fell and landed on Lena’s pale hand where it lay limp over her stomach. The sensation lingered in her mind as the world went black.


	3. The Foggy dew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara’s eyes had once again filled with tears. “I know. I know but I have to try. I have to try to explain because if I don’t I won't be able to live with myself so please, please just let me try.” 
> 
> Kara’s words made her want to scream, but her pleads made Lena tighten her lips to a thin line, forcing her to be quiet. A part of her wanted to listen, and that part won.

Bright lights blinded Lena even before she had a chance to open her eyes. She grimaced as she moved an arm over her eyes trying to shield them from the streams of sunlight coming from the window. 

A small shifting noise came from the right corner of the room, making Lena jump, and imminently remove her arm which blocked her eyes. Blinking rapidly blinking to try to force her vision to adjust. Within seconds blonde hair, a pastel jacket and a pair of spectacles came into view. 

“I’m sorry,” came a mumbled voice from behind clutched hands, eyes barely meeting Lena’s, “didn’t mean to startle you.” Kara didn’t budge, her muscles did not move an inch, not even to expand her chest to breath. Completely still she sat on an armchair on the other side of the small room, her hands tightly pressed against her lips.   
Lena only looked at her, wishing her to go away. To disappear. To do literally anything than what she was doing right at that moment. Green eyes burned as a cold rage welled up in her. 

Sitting up a bit more Lena was ready to tell the blonde to leave. To get out of her sight. To fuck off. But as she adjusted her position she noticed Kara’s eyes, the sun no longer reflecting in the other woman's glasses. Their eyes truly met for the first time since Lena had noticed her presence. Kara’s eyes were red, with the skin around her blue eyes puffy with a pink hue. Clear lines were visible down her cheek to her chin. 

As the brunette studied the Supers face Kara let out a jagged breath, almost as if it was her first breath in a while. 

A tiny bit of the burning behind the Luthors eyes subsided as she studied Kara’s features ridden by sorrow. 

“Where am I?” The question had plagued her mind as soon as the sun woke her up. She sat up a bit more, tearing her gaze from Kara she looked out of the window. A tree swayed outside the glass and the tops of some houses, nothing else was visible from her position. 

“You’re in Dublin.” Lena’s head snapped back to stare at Kara. Ireland. Something tightened the Luthor’s chest. Swallowing forcefully she ignored the uncomfortable feeling in her gut. 

Kara removed her hands from her mouth and continued. “I needed to find a place where you wouldn’t be recognized, also in a country where you wouldn’t stick out. You’re too recognizable in America, that’s why I flew you here.” Lena turned her head once again to look out the window, staring at the light grey sky and the tree which branches swayed gently in the wind. 

As Kara’s strangled voice continued Lena did not look at her. “Lena please, I know you’re still mad at me and you have every right to be, every right, but please just hear me out.” 

Lena turned her head, her eyes piercing into Kara who leaned back in her chair. “Why should I? I can’t think of a single reason why I listen to even a word you say! How could you say anything that would change how I feel?” The burning behind her eyes was now back and it stung more than ever. 

Kara’s eyes had once again filled with tears. “I know. I know but I have to try. I have to try to explain because if I don’t I won't be able to live with myself so please, please just let me try.” 

Kara’s words made her want to scream, but her pleads made Lena tighten her lips to a thin line, forcing her to be quiet. A part of her wanted to listen, and that part won. 

Fearing that Lena would change her mind Kara quickly began to speak. “From the moment you walked through your office doors I was intrigued by you. I never thought you’d want to be friends with someone like me. Someone like Kara. A nobody.” 

The Kryptonian stood up and slowly walked over the shiny floors. Her eyes always on the woman in the bed. The moment Kara noticed the brunette’s body tense up, taking it as an indication that it was close enough she sat down on the ground, facing the bed. With her fidgeting hands in her lap, she continued. “But you did want to be my friend. Lena, I know you feel like you’re not enough, that outside your surname you’re a nobody, just like Kara. It’s not true. Your such a special somebody that when it came time to tell you about who I really was,” Kara stumbled over her words as the tears made their way down pink cheeks. “I was scared. Not because of your last name or that I was afraid that you weren’t who I thought you were.” Kara reached out, just a few inches, desperately wanting to touch her friend and knowing that she couldn’t felt worse than any kryptonite ever had. “You want to know why I never told you. If I didn’t trust you. If our whole friendship was a lie from the start. If it was because you’re a Luthor. I need to tell you that it was me and not you who should take the blame for it taking so long. I was so afraid of losing you and with every year that fear became almost overbearing to think about.” 

Lena’s eyes blurred as she looked at Kara. Her heart screamed with every beat it took. As tears coated her cheeks just like they did Kara’s, Lena’s body was no longer tense, instead feeling limp and tired. 

Kara’s hands stretched out, taking a firm hold of the mattress before speaking again. “Other people knew and you didn’t, making you feel betrayed. If I didn’t tell you because you didn’t matter to me. That you were nobody. That's’ not the case. They knew because compared to you they’re nobody. You are somebody so special to me that even thinking about losing you was too much. You are somebody Lena Luthor. You are somebody to me.” 

A loud sob escaped Lena’s lips. Her heart felt like it could burst open. The ache in her heart made her clutch one trembling hand over her chest while the other tried to stifle her sobs. 

Her vision was so blurry that she could only make out the rough shape of the blonde as she sat behind Lena’s back. She only flinched once before her body gave in, leaning back into Kara’s front as she wrapped her arms around her. 

“Know that you are loved Lena, always.”


	4. 17:30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m from Ireland you know.” Kara had been trying to decide whether or not moving her rook to a3 could have any dire consequences when Lena suddenly spoke.

d4 to f5, Lena moves one of her knights over the board taking one of Kara’s bishops with her. The blonde was used to this by now, Lena dominating their games of chess. Only a small sound of defeat escapes her lips as she realizes that she might lose this round as well. 

She doesn’t mind though, as she looks over at Lena, curled up in her brown armchair, eyes fixed on the black and white pieces before her, Kara could only feel grateful. Grateful that Lena is here, that she’s willing to be in the same room as Kara, and most of all that she was alive and safe. 

At first, she had taken a week off work and taken into a motel in town, taking the bus to the hospital. Always arriving a few minutes before 17:30 for visiting hour. But as people started to ask questions about where Ms Luthor had gone and why Kara was taking up residence in Ireland she had taken to flying over the Atlantic every weekday to see her friend. She’d land just a few minutes out of town, bringing some snacks or baked goods with her each time. 

The first three weeks there wasn’t much talking going on between them. At times Lena would be in bed, sometimes sleeping but sometimes just laying motionless, staring at whatever was before her. Kara knew the medication Lena was on may be making her more tired but Kara also knew that a depressive episode would do that too. In those times Kara would quietly lay the sweets by the bedside table, usually accompanied by a small note or a simple drawing. Kara may not be the best artist but she had asked Alex what she thought Lena would appreciate and one thing that her sister said was art. So Kara tried making small comics or sketching flowers she saw in the streets of Dublin. At that time she hadn’t known if Lena even appreciated her small doodles, but the nurses had encouraged her to continue saying that the only time they saw Lena move except for when she was going to the bathroom or eating something was when she was flipping through the small pieces of paper that had been gifted to her.   
This made Kara tear up. She worked extra hard on the sketches from that point forward.

As time went on the visiting hour became more filled with card games and a bit of talking. Switching out of drugs made Lena less tired and helped a bit with her mental state. Lena started asking for books for Kara to bring. They chatted about how things were back in the states, and how things were holding up at L-corp. Kara also asked about how inpatient life was this time around but tried her best not to ask to many questions or pry into things such as the mandatory therapy sessions Lena had to participate in. No matter how curious and concerned Kara was she knew that some things Lena would keep to herself and only share if she wanted to. 

“I’m from Ireland you know.” Kara had been trying to decide whether or not moving her rook to a3 could have any dire consequences when Lena suddenly spoke. The blonde looked up at her friend whose eyes were fixed out the window. Kara didn’t dare to move or speak, afraid of scaring Lena’s next sentance away. But the blond’s mind was desperately scanning through their years of friendship looking for any prior knowledge of this. She knew Lena was adopted, everyone knew that but never from where.

“I’ve never told you this. I never told anyone. That I was adopted sure, but never any details of how exactly I became a part of the Luthor family.” Her eyes never wavered from the window as she spoke. Her stare blank and without emotion. Kara leaned back in her chair, thoughts about her next move completely forgotten. 

“My mother was a beautiful woman. Kind, intelligent, caring. She used to sing me lullabies each night and once a week she’d take me into town and we’d share a cinnamon bun in one of the cafes in the square. I was so young when she died- she drowned- that I don’t remember most of my time with her, my time here.” 

Small drops slid down Lena’s cheeks as she continued. “When Lionel showed up at our house two days after she passed away I was confused. I’d never seen him before. He seemed nice at first, gave me sweets on the plane and talked about how good my new life would be in the states. But I missed my Mom. And I missed my friends and I was scared. And as I later learned my fear had not been without reason.” 

Kara swallowed hard as she hung onto every word Lena said. She was opening up to her. A part of Kara had thought that Lena would never do that again. But here she was. Trying her best to trust Kara again. The Kryptonian clasped her hands in her lap, trying her best not to cry. 

“The first thing Lillian did was to get rid of ´that horrible accent of mine`. She used to pinch me every time I didn’t speak “properly”. I was getting teased in school whenever I said a word “wrong”. As the years went by I just wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to fit into the Luthor mould that had been shoved at me. Lillian made me hate my voice, my background and my old way of life. She erased everything about me that made me Irish.” 

Lena wiped the back of her hand on her soaked cheek. “I never thought I’d be back here, never thought I’d have the courage.” 

Lena looked at Kara, a sincere look in her eyes.   
“Thank you for bringing me back.” 

Kara didn’t know what to say to that. She had so many questions but knew that asking them could be too much and Kara didn’t want Lena to shut down again. Tears had long since started to fall down Kara’s cheeks. She hastily tried to wipe them away and gave Lena a reassuring smile which she hoped would be enough. 

They both once again stared down at the chessboard which hadn’t changed since Lena started talking. 

As silence washed over the small room. Kara made a decision and moved one of her pawns to potentially protect her queen from further threat of being taken out just as one of the staff came into the room telling the blonde that it was time to leave. 

As Kara was about to pass Lena on her way to the door she stopped by her friend’s armchair. She hesitated for a moment, then reached out a hand and placed it on Lena’s shoulder. Lena, in turn, looked up, with an expression Kara couldn’t quite place. They hadn’t touched since Kara’s apology all of those weeks ago. 

Kara had at that moment wanted to tell Lena how much she cared for her, how much she desperately wanted her to be happy and how she wanted to be the cause of Lena’s happiness for as long as the raven-haired woman wanted her around. She wanted to hug her, to ki- to ehm… Kara blushed. Lena furrowed her brown just millimetre, obviously having noticed the slight tint of colour in her friend's cheeks. Now was not the time. She had been standing there with her hand on Lena’s shoulder for long enough. She needed to say something. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then. I predict our chess match will not last much longer as you are close to crushing me, again.” Kara released the other woman’s shoulder with a tiny squeeze. 

Lena chuckled lightly making Kara’s insides heat up. “Yeah see you tomorrow.” 

And with that, she left. The comfortable warmth in Kara’s chest stayed with her the entirety of her flight home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has taken me a shit long time to update this story but finally got around to writing. I hope you enjoyed it🖤


	5. Mother Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lena dear! How good to see you.” Lillian closes the door behind her before strutting into Lena’s room, her eyes scanning the small space. 
> 
> Lena imminently straightens her back and puts her book in her lap. Trying her best not to sound uneasy she speaks. “How did you find me? No one is supposed to know that I am here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!  
> In this chapter there is graphic detail of SELF HARM (cutting). Also some emotional abuse. Don't read if this triggers you! I wan't y'all to be safe ok???

Things had been going alright. Lena wouldn’t go as far as to say they were good but nevertheless alright. Kara’s visits had defidently made her stay here more bearable. Three months… Nowhere near Lena’s longest stay but still. Stings just a bit knowing that she wasn’t home yet. 

“Lena, you have a visitor.” A chirpy nurse, Ms Lovettes, smiled at her and retracted her head through the door frame. 

That’s odd, Kara said that she wouldn't come today. Lena didn’t have to ponder any further as her mother’s face appeared in the doorway. The brunette froze, her book still in her hands where she sat on the bed. 

“Lena dear! How good to see you.” Lillian closes the door behind her before strutting into Lena’s room, her eyes scanning the small space. 

Lena imminently straightens her back and puts her book in her lap. Trying her best not to sound uneasy she speaks. “How did you find me? No one is supposed to know that I am here.” 

The other woman huffs out a small laugh. “Oh, Lena you really didn’t think I’d let you just vanish without an explanation like that?” She didn’t spare her daughter a single glance as she walked around the room, inspecting the few possessions Lena had. “You must know by now that as your mother I always need to know where you are. For your own good, I assure you.” She gave Lena what was supposed to be a caring smile but her eyes gave her away, every time. “Now I can’t say I am thrilled that you are back in one of these places, but I’m not surprised. You were always so weak.” 

The older woman stopped by one of the drawers and opened it. Lena tried to stifle the small sound of panic coming from her mouth as she saw what Lillian was now holding in her hands.   
“Put those back.” Lena stood, back rigid and anger in her eyes.

“What? These pitiful drawings?” Lillian rifled through them, ripping one slightly. 

Lena jumped forward. “Be careful! They’re gifts!” The anger in her voice did not mask the fear this time. Lena wanted those drawings back, badly. 

“These things? Gifts?” She looked in her daughter’s eyes right as she tore the pictures she had in her hands in half. One swift motion. Then let them fall to the floor. “Pathetic.”

“No!” Lena fell to her knees and began frantically grasping at the papers still slowly falling to the ground. Tears welled up in Lena’s green eyes as her hands clutched at the ripped pieces of paper. 

Rough fingers grabbed hold of Lena’s chin, hoisting her head up to be meet eyes filled with pure and utter disgust.   
Lena tried to free herself from her mother’s grip but the movement only made Lillian tighten her clutch, her painted fingernails dig into her daughter’s skin. 

“Look at you, crawling on your hands and knees, snivelling like a child. Believe me when I tell you that if Lex or your Father were here they’d be just as disgusted with you as I am. You’re a disgrace to the Luthor name. Always have been.” Lillian gave Lena’s chin a last painful squeeze before she roughly let go. Lena hung her head, tears still flowing down her cheeks. 

Lena could see Lillian's black heals in the corner of her eye head for the door. Lillian's voice is callous and cold when she speaks. “You need to get yourself together, Lena. No one will ever want you if you keep breaking like this. No one.” 

And with that sentence, she’s gone. Closing the door behind her. Lena lowered her forehead to the ground as high heals retreat down the hallway. The sound of her shaky breathing filled Lena’s hears. 

No. No. Stop crying! 

The brunette clutches her shaking hands to her mouth as she tries to hold her breath in a frugal attempt to stop the sobs escaping her trembling lips. 

You’re pathetic Lena. STOP crying. 

Her lungs force Lena to take in a sharp breath when the burning pain became too much to bear. No, not too much. Not enough.

Green eyes shoot open. Not enough. 

With her mind short cycling Lena stands up on shaky legs. Her hands still clutched to her chest she staggers to the bathroom. Gently closing and locking the door behind her. Turning to the mirror Lena is met by her reflexion. Or what must be her reflexion since her eyes are so filled with tears. Long black hair framing puffy cheeks. Pink eyes and trembling lips. Hands clutched at her aching chest.

Ugly. Unworthy. Unwanted.

Pathetic. 

Without warning, Lena’s hand shoots up and connects with the mirror. A loud crash echoes against the bathroom walls. Lena only spares her bleeding knuckles a quick glance before she picks up one of the shards with her injured right hand. 

“Lena! What’s going in there?” Ms Lovettes’ voice sounds panicked as she raps on the locked door. 

No one will ever want you. No one will ever want you. Lillian’s words echo in Lena’s mind.   
Without any thought, Lena pulls up her left sleeve, presses the glass shard against her pale skin and with one swift movement tears it open. Pain sears through Lena’s forearm as blood spills out of the fresh wound. Controlling her breathing, Lena brings the piece of glass to another spot on her arm and repeats the action again, and then again and again and again.

“Can someone find the key, please! She’s not answering!” Lena can hear the worried shouts and desperate tries to open the bathroom door. She doesn’t pay them any mind. Barely registering their existence. All she could see was the blood. The only thing she could feel was the crippling anxiety completely taken over by numbness. 

Switching hands soon make stinging wounds start to appear on Lena’s right arm as well. Just as Lena starts to become a bit dizzy the bathroom door is wrenched open and four nurses appear, expressions of shock on their faces but they soon spring into action. It doesn’t take long before one of them to wrestle the glass shard out of Lena’s trembling hand. She doesn’t fight them, it has done its job. 

Lena avoids making eye contact with any of them and instead stares down at the floor. A pool of red has formed by Lena’s toes while the front of the Luthor’s pyjama pants and feet had big maroon coloured stains on them. 

“Okay, Lena can you hear me?” One of the nurses gently squeezed Lena’s upper arm which made her snap out of her trance a bit and looked at the nurse who had spoken. The two others were attending to the cuts. “We need to move you okay? Brian will soon be back with a pair of shoes, because of the mirror.” Her voice is so sweet and reassuring so Lena nods. 

When the male nurse comes back with a pair of indoor shoes Lena has gone back to not responding to the questions asked by the nurses. She stares at the mirror, or rather where the mirror used to be, wishing that she wasn’t as broken as she was. As broken as that mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this with only one hand because I broke two fingers on my right hand¯\\_( ͡ㆆ ͜ʖ ͡ㆆ)_/¯


	6. White Steel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m calling about your friend Lena McGrath. It says here in her papers that if anything were to happened your number was given in case of emergency.”

The call came early on Thursday morning. Kara blindly searched with her hand on the bedside table, not bothering to open her eyes. The Kryptonian had spent the entirety of the day before fighting a very powerful alien who was intent on smashing their way through National City. The chaos of it all had meant that Kara couldn’t visit Lena. The blonde had had to remind herself over and over again that Lena would be fine without her. It was only one day. 

So when she picked up the phone, not looking at the caller id or the time, thinking it was Alex calling to tell her she was needed at the DEO or James asking her to grab him a cup of coffee on her way to work, she was surprised when an Irish accent came through the speakers. 

“Hello, this is Dr Moore from St Vincent’s University Hospital. Is this Kara Danvers I’m speaking with?” 

Kara’s blood ran cold. Sitting straight up in her bed Kara quickly removed her phone from her ear. 5:02 am. 5:02 AM! 

“Hello?” The voice came through the phone once again breaking Kara’s train of thought. 

“Yes hello, this is Kara Danvers.” Kara tried to make her voice sound as calm as possible. After all, this could be nothing. But then again why would they call so early? Why would they call at all? 

“I’m calling about your friend Lena McGrath. It says here in her papers that if anything were to happened your number was given in case of emergency.” Dr Moore stops as if waiting for Kara to confirm the information she was just given. Kara, however, had to take a few moments just to remember that McGrath was the fake surname she had given during Lena’s admission to hide her real identity. When that second was over the real meaning of the Doctor’s words truly sunk in. 

“Has something happened? Is Lena okay??” Kara flies out of bed and begins to frantically rummage through her closet looking for clothes. 

“Lena had a severe meltdown yesterday and seriously injured herself. She was taken to the hospital where she received 23 stitches in total.” Kara could feel her heart hammering in her chest. 23… hospital… “She is resting at the moment but we would like you to come in as soon as possible to discuss Ms McGrath’s further treatment.” 

“I’m on my way.” Kara just finished writing a quick note to Alex explaining were she’s gone when she hangs up. As she flies out the window Kara tries to keep her mind from wandering. 

~~~~

Lena opens her eyes to an uncomfortably bright room, the sun shining in through the window. Blinking, her eyes adjust and completely open to a white hospital room. She tries to move but a searing pain runs through her arms making the brunette wince. 

“Lena…” A small whisper comes from the Luthor’s left. Kara’s sitting on a chair in the corner, her glasses not able to mask the fact that she’d been crying. Lena feels her heart sink. They had called her. They had called Kara, who for the second time now has seen her in her most undesirable state. 

Lena feels herself recoiling, feeling exposed and vulnerable. Using her hands Lena struggles to push herself up into a sitting position. She avoids Kara’s worried gaze, feeling it weigh down her. 

Not being able to take the uncomfortable silence any longer Lena forced herself to speak. “How long was I out?” It’s the first thing she could think of so it’ll have to do. 

Kara glances up at the clock over the door. “About 16 hours. The sleeping pills they gave you must’ve been quite strong.” 

“And how long have you been here?” Lena glanced up at Kara, caring eyes stared back at her. 

“Your time? I arrived a few minutes after 10 am. My time, about 5 am.” 

Lena stared down at her lap again. “I’m sorry.” It was barely a whisper but with the Kryptonians ears could hear her loud and clear. Lena didn’t really know what exactly she was apologizing for. For hurting herself? That was probably the main thing. Or for the fact that Kara was awoken at 5 am to what must’ve been a very worrying phone call. Or maybe it’s just that she was putting Kara through all of this. Again. “I’ve put you through too much, and for that,” they lock eyes and Lena tries to swallow her guilt as best she can before continuing, “I am giving you an out.”

Standing up from her stool Kara walked the few steps to Lena’s bedside and knelt down. “Never” Kara chimed in before Lena had the chance to say anything else. “Lena I’m in this for the long haul. Nothing you could do could ever scare me away. That means you’ll always have me. Always.” The genuine tone in Kara’s voice made Lena tear up. The brunette stretched out her arm just enough for Kara to take her hand in hers. “I know you must feel guilty for everything that’s happened and I also know that nothing I can do or say will make that guilt go away but I will do my best.” 

Kara reached up and placed a few of Lena’s long strands of ebony hair behind her ear. Lena instantly felt something flutter in her chest. Blue eyes locked with green. “I’m just glad that you’re here and that you’re safe.” They stared at each other for a while. Eyes locked, neither willing to break the spell upon them. 

The door swung opened, making both of them jump apart. 

“Ms Grath they will be ready to escort you back to the ward in about ten minutes.” The nurse smiles softly at Lena who only nods silently. He shifts his gaze to Kara. “You must be Ms Danvers? Unfortunately, you will have to say you’re goodbyes here. The ambulance can only take so many people.” 

“Alright thank you.” Kara gives him a quick wave before he’s gone. 

Lena lets out a heavy sigh, Kara, in turn, squeezes the brunette’s hand. “It’ll be fine, you’ll be fine.” It is now Kara’s turn to sigh. She really hoped what she was saying was true. 

“Just one question?” Kara asks.

“Yes?” 

“When I was talking to the nurses who were on staff yesterday they said you had had a visitor just before- before everything happened. Who was that?” 

Kara could see Lena body tense up as the question hung in the air. Kara was ready to back off when Lena finally spoke. “My mother.” 

Lillian. Smiling through the anger that was beginning to grow inside her Kara thanked Lena just as two nurses from the ward entered through the door. 

~~~~

Kara landed with a bang on the DEO’s balcony. Not making eye contact with anyone she walked right up to Brainy. 

“Hello, Supergirl. How can I help?” 

Kara answered through gritted teeth, eyes glowing red. “Give me a location on Lillian Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just know that I've never been to Ireland and just googled "Dublin hospital"


	7. Green all over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what happened while Lillian was there or what was said but I know she’s to blame. Lillian is to blame and I need to find her.” Kara stopped pacing and stood before her sister, the sorrow in her eyes was again overtaken with fury and hatred. “She needs to pay Alex. She needs to pay for what she’s done”

“Hey, Supergirl? What’s going on?” Alex had appeared behind the Kryptonian. Caution in her voice. 

Kara promptly ignored her sister’s concern, continuing to stare at Brainy. “Brainy give me her location now!” Brainy looked at Alex, then to Kara, then back at Alex. 

Alex’s lips formed a straight line as she tried to decide what to do. Under her breath, the brunette whispered. “Let’s talk about this okay? Just- not here?” The oldest Danvers sister could feel dozens of eyes staring at them. 

Kara clenched her fists, took a ragged breath and grabbed a hold of Alex. The blonde stomped down one of the DEO’s many corridors until she found an empty storage room. 

“Hey let me go!” Kara finally let go of her sister’s arm and turned around. Any anger Alex felt from being forcibly dragged down dimly lit hallways vanished once Kara turned around to face her. There was anger, a fury that made Kara shake in her boots. But behind the red in her eyes were tears ready to spill. 

“I wasn’t there… I wasn’t there! I should’ve been there!” A single tear rolled down Kara’s red cheeks. 

“Where Kara? Where should you have been?” 

“With Lena! Lillian managed to figure out where she was, Lillian went to visit her yesterday. The one day I don’t visit she ends up almost killing herself.” Kara had started pacing back and forth across the room. Alex stood frozen in place. It is the safest thing to do in a situation like this. Kara easily forgets just how strong she is when upset.

“I almost lost her again. I saw her lying there on the hospital bed, pale, letting out small shallow breathes. The doctors I spoke to said she had lost a significant amount of blood for such a short amount of time.” The mental image of what Kara was describing brought Alex to tears. Trying to compose herself she quickly wiped them on her sleeve. 

“I don’t know what happened while Lillian was there or what was said but I know she’s to blame. Lillian is to blame and I need to find her.” Kara stopped pacing and stood before her sister, the sorrow in her eyes was again overtaken with fury and hatred. “She needs to pay Alex. She needs to pay for what she’s done” 

The brunette was about to object to what Kara was implying. It would be a huge risk. But soon the image of the young Luthor crying, standing in a pool of blood crept into her mind. How much she must’ve been hurting. 

The Lena, helpless and vulnerable was the same Lena who got a bit too tipsy that one time on Game night and forgot how to say ‘glasses‘ and proceeded to call them ‘eyes²‘ for the rest of the evening. The same Lena whose guilty pleasure is Harry Potter and once bought all of the friends their respective house scarfs and jumped up and down giggling when the whole gang wore them out. The caring, sweet Lena who makes Alex’s sister so incredibly happy.   
So when Alex opens her mouth again the answer is clear. “Okay. You can go. Just be careful.”

Kara gives her a quick and proceeds to leave when an arm stops her. “And maybe bring the Kryptonite shield this time?” 

~~~~

Kara lands as silently as she can on the hill opposite a well-hidden building positioned in the mountains north of National City. It had only taken brainy 5 minutes to locate the oldest Luthor. Scanning the structure gave no leads as to where in the fortress Lillian might be since the structure must’ve laced with led. 

Flying onward Supergirl rips one of the doors open and proceeds to enter. The place is strangely empty at first and the feeling of there being something wrong is quickly stifled by fury as she finally sees her. The guards by the door imminently start shooting at her. Green beams of Kryptonite connect with her suit but have no impact on the Girl of Steel thanks to the shield. Kara swiftly knocked them out, eyes always trained on Lillian. Guard after guard try to stop her, none succeed and all end up stumped on the floor. The Luthor flees out through one of the doors as the last guard hits the steel floor. Flying forward, catching up quite quickly, Kara pins Lillian to one of the walls. Her right forearm pressed into Lillian’s throat pushing on her airway and vocal cord making it difficult to breathe and speak.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU’VE DONE???” Pain is prevalent on the Luthor’s face as she chips for air. “DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT HER AT ALL? DO YOU THINK IT’S SOME TYPE OF GAME, TOYING WITH HER WELLBEING LIKE THIS??” Supergirl takes the Luthor by the shoulders and throws her across the room. As Lillian massages her throat Kara walks over, lifting the older woman by her shirt. “I NEED TO KNOW WHY. WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO HER?” 

Kara can’t believe her eyes when an amused expression creeps onto Lillian’s face.   
“To get you exactly where you are right now.” 

Without a warning, Lillian pulls out a small gadget from her left pocket and stabs the Kryptonite shield making it shatter into a million pieces. A button is pushed. Just as Kara can register what just happened a sharp searing pain takes ahold of Kara’s wrists and ankles, pulling her back. Suspended in mid-air with green rays of Kryptonite wrapped around her limbs which in turn connected to the floor and ceiling. 

Unable to move Kara watched as Lillian stood up and brushed off her clothes. “You are too predictable Supergirl. Oh, I’m sorry, Kara.” Walking forward she stared the Kryptonian right in the face. Almost admiring the green vein-like lines on the Super’s face and neck. 

“You want to know why? Do you want answers? That’s alright with me.” Kara tried her best to concentrate despite the pain making it feel like the inside of her ears were convulsing. 

“When Lex told Lena who you were I was thrilled. Finally, she’d see you for what you really are. And she did, for a few seconds.” The smile she gave Kara did not conceal the disgust in her voice. “Sadly she is a weakling and decided that splattering onto the pavement below her balcony was a better alternative than revenge.” Chipping for air Kara wanted to scream, to throw herself forward and grab ahold of Lillian’s neck. Her bounds, however, would only give her a few centimetres of movement. 

“But you saved her. Like you always do.” Lillian chuckled. “ And that’s when the idea came to me. You care about that little bastard, don’t you? You’d do anything for her. You even came here even though you knew the risks. To get to you I’d have to go through her. So I unleashed that monster on our streets knowing that would mean that you wouldn’t be able to meet Lena that day. Now finding Lena was a bit trickier than expected but making her upset was as easy as ever. She’s weak, after all, always have been so I knew what would happen after I’d left. She’s done it before.” 

Kara pulled at her binds as Lillian reached her hand up, a centimetre away from caressing Kara’s cheek. 

“I knew you’d come for me, you’re predictable in that sense. You’re controlled by your emotions and that makes you weak. I knew you loved Lena, and that will be your downfall.” 

“What- what do you want from me?” Kara stuttered. 

“I have a new invention I’d like to try. That is all you need to know” The Luthor swung around and walked up to a dark brown desk and pulled out a small syringe. It was filled with an even darker liquid. 

“What’s that?” Kara felt the fear of being completely helpless. 

“Oh don’t worry, this will only knock you out. Just long enough for the car ride at least.” 

Kara didn’t have time to protest before the needle penetrated her green ridden skin. The world faded instantly as the dark liquid spread through her veins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not super pleased with how this turned out but I'm too lazy to rewrite it so here you go! Hopefully, you'll enjoy it anyway ❤


	8. I Need to Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello, Lena.” Alex seems uncomfortable and must feel the tension in the room just like Lena does. She takes a step inside, gently pushing the door behind her closed.

There were two sharp raps on Lena’s open door as Ms Lovettes’ head pokes through the frame.   
“You have a visitor Lena. One I haven’t seen before.” She smiles sweetly and just misses the panic in Lena’s eyes. Was it Mother again? Or Lex? The brunette stands up from her bed, fear running through her entire body. 

However, when Alex appears in the doorway Lena imminently relaxes a bit. They still haven’t talked or seen each other since Kara brought her to the DEO after her suicide attempt but still, it’s better than another family meetup. 

“Hello, Lena.” Alex seems uncomfortable and must feel the tension in the room just like Lena does. She takes a step inside, gently pushing the door behind her closed. 

Lena makes no effort to ease that tension and stays silent, wanting Alex to explain why she is here first. Alex starts rubbing her arm in a kind of soothing motion and finally opens her mouth to speak. “Listen, Lena, I know that you very well could be holding some resentment for my role in the whole Supergirl lie or what happened when we last saw each other and I absolutely get why and I apologize for all or it,” she took a deep breath before continuing, “but right now I need your help.” 

Lena was just about to decline, not seeing why she should just throw everything that happened aside and come help the sister of Supergirl but Alex continues, fear edged in her voice. “Kara’s missing.” 

This made Lena’s ears perk up. “Kara? What do you mean missing?” 

“She went to confront Lillian after she’d been to see you and never came back. I believe something may have happened to her.” 

Lena took a seat on the edge of her bed. “The last time she was here was two days ago. You’re telling me she’s been missing for two days and you’re just now informing me of this? I’ve been thinking that I’d done something wrong to make her not want to see me again”

“No of course not! We just haven’t found her on our own and that’s why I’m here to ask for your help.” Alex took a cautious step forward, one hand running nervously through her hair. 

“Of course I’ll help but I’m not sure how. I can’t exactly leave.” 

Alex went up to Lena and handed her a small device. “Use this to open the window about 30 minutes after I’ve left. You’re on the bottom floor so the jump shouldn’t be any trouble.” Lena studied the tiny machine. “Once you’re out, get to the road by the hospital and take a left. I’ll be waiting with a taxi in the square.” 

Lena nodded, pocketing the device. “See you then.” 

~~~~

“She loves you, you know.” The flight so far had been quiet. They had hardly spoken, sitting opposite each other in the small-government plane. Alex still hadn’t looked at Lena when she continued. “I need you to know that.” 

Lena raised her eyebrows. Not knowing what to say. Her heart started beating fast as Lena processed the new information laid out in front of her. 

“She’s been through all of this with you and I know it’s taken its toll on you it has also taken a toll on her. But she’d never leave you, never. Even though you hurt her or she hurts you, she’ll still be there for you.” 

“I don’t want to hurt her…” Lena tried before she was cut off.

“I know you don’t and that is why I need to know if you feel the same for her. I don’t want to see you break her heart all over again.” 

Looking down at her hands Lena started to speak. “I don’t deserve her love.” Lena looked up to face Alex’s stoic expression. “She is too good for me. Plus I can’t promise you or her that I won’t fall apart again.” Tears start to stream down Lena’s pale cheeks as she tries to wipe them away. “She deserves someone better. Someone’s that’s not broken. A person whom she doesn’t have to pick up the pieces after.” 

Alex’s expression softened. She unbuckled her seatbelt, walked around the small table separating them and knelt before the sobbing Luthor. “I can see how much you care about her, always have.” Alex reached out and grabbed one of Lena’s hands. “And you are not broken, Lena. You are a brilliant young woman who has had to deal with some terrible circumstances and traumas throughout your life and that is not your fault. Never think that any of this is your fault.” Alex leaned forward and engulfed the crying Lena in her arms. At first, the Luthor tensed a bit in her seat before she relaxed into the embrace. 

“You think so?” Lena asked between sobs and sharp intakes of breath, trying her best to calm herself down. They separated just enough for Alex to reach into her pocket and pull out a tissue paper, giving it to Lena with a soft smile. 

“I know so.” 

~~~~

Arriving at the DEO Lena was imminently informed of the kind of situation they were dealing with. 

“She must’ve been moved, we just don’t know where. That’s where you come in,” Brainy stopped his pacing and looked at Lena,” we’d like to use you as bait” Brainy he finished matter of factly. 

“Bait? How exactly” The Luthor blinked, anxiety gradually growing in her stomach. 

Alex placed a hand on Lena’s upper arm. “Only if you feel up for it.” 

Lena swallowed and took a slow breath up through her nostrils. “I’ll do it.” 

“Brilliant!” Brainy explained. “So here’s what we’ll do...” 

~~~~

Lena walked up to the black van standing at the far end of a murky looking street. She picked nervously at the inside of her coat as she got closer. Over the little earpiece in her ear, Lena could hear Alex speaking to her. “You just need to get to Supergirls location and then the tracker we put on you will do the rest.”

Be brave Lena. Be brave. 

She knocked at the door of the vehicle and just a second later the door opened. As she hopped in the familiar smell of her mother hit her nose. “Hello, Lena darling.” 

“Mother.” As she sat down Lena could hear the faint sound of the car doors locking. Her heart quickened. Trying to calm herself she continued. “You got my message.” 

Lillian smiled that cold smile she always wore. “Oh, yes. It was quite unexpected. So unexpected in fact that I didn’t believe a single word you said. I’m disappointed in you, Lena. You should’ve done better ” 

At that moment the car started up and exhilarated out of the alleyway. Two men burst through the doors from the front of the van grabbing hold of Lena. She only got one scream out before one of them had their hand over Lena’s mouth, muffling the noises of panic coming for her. The men held her down, grabbing at her arms over the healing wounds making Lena scream in agony. 

“Lena what’s happening-?” Alex was cut off by Lillian ripping out the earpiece and stomping on it. “Now that’s better don’t you think darling?” 

Lena could feel the van speeding off just as one of the men took a syringe out of his pocket and stabbed Lenas left arm with it making her yelp. The clear liquid inside had an immediate effect on her. Just a few seconds and the world around her started to blur.


	9. Cuffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have seen how much a Kryptonian can withstand physically, now lets test how much they can dure emotionally. That’s why I needed you, my dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!! Descriptions of physical violence

Waking, Lena was imminently overwhelmed by a searing headache pulsating behind her eyes. Blinking as her eyes adjusted to the light above her she sat up. Scanning the tiny cell Lena’s head was racing. Where had they taken her? Where was Kara? Lena could see a tiny red light in one of the ceiling corners. A camera.

Standing on shaky legs Lena stumbled to the metal bars leading out to a corridor. She tried peering out into the hall. She couldn’t see any guards. Lena pulled at the bars knowing full well that they couldn’t budge. As she did so her stomach made a small gurgling noise. Lena put her hand there and sucked in her stomach. Lena looked at the space between the bars. Months of not eating properly had made her lose a significant amount of weight. Some days only eat whatever Kara had brought with her. 

It would be a tight fit, Lena thought. Nevertheless worth a try. Lena put her left foot through the bars, then her torso, holding her breath, feeling the metal press against her ribs. With as much strength as she could muster Lena managed to squeeze her way through the bars ending up in the empty corridor.

Massaging her chest Lena breathed out. 

Kara. 

Lena started down the corridor, listening at the door for any of Lillian’s men before opening it slowly. Making her way through the halls she knew it wouldn’t be long before someone realized she was missing. Lena hid behind corners and in empty rooms when she could hear Lillian’s henchmen getting to close. 

Suddenly a scream pierced the silence. Lena nearly jumped out her skin in fright. That could only be one person. Kara. 

Lena started to sprint, completely forgetting about not being seen. But just as she was about to open the door the scream had come from a voice coming from behind her made her stop dead in her tracks. 

“Not so fast there Lena darling.” Next thing she knew a handcuff was quickly placed on her left wrist followed by her right. Lena cursed herself for being so careless. 

“Mother please..” Lena pleaded but was interrupted. ‘

“You want to see her? Very well.” Lillian reached around her daughter and opened the door. 

As they walked in Kara and Lena’s eyes met. Kara was stung upon a big X with cuffs made of Kryptonite. 

“Lena? What.. are you.. doing here?” Kara spoke through the pain, breathing heavily between words. 

“She tried to rescue you. The silly little girl that she is.” Lillian walked forward towards Kara. As she did two muscular men in black clothing positioned themselves obliquely behind the younger Luthor. 

“You see I’ve been testing out some new gadgets on Supergirl here. It’s gone splendidly so far.” Lillian gestures a hand towards Kara, whose veins pulsate bright green. 

Lena wanted to jump forward and take Kara down from that horrible contraption. She wanted nothing more to reach out a hand but she knew that she wouldn’t make it an inch with the two men behind her watching her every move. “Why are you doing this Mother? Why are we here, really? Why am I here?” Lena is so tired. Tired of her families bullshit. Tired of being in danger all the time. Tired of other’s being caught in the middle. 

“Oh, I’m glad you asked.” Lillian smiles at her. “Because you see for this next experiment I need both of you.” 

The two men each took a firm grip on Lena’s arms, pushing her forward. They sat her down facing Kara, binding her arms and legs to the chair. 

“I have seen how much a Kryptonian can withstand physically, now lets test how much they can dure emotionally. That’s why I needed you, my dear.” 

“No..” Kara breathed out, barely able to speak through the pain. Lillian ignored her, nodding to one of the men and stepped back to a monitor. The man positioned himself in front of Lena, then struck her in the face. Lena imminently felt blood gushing down her face. It flowed into her mouth coating her teeth red. Before she could fully recover another blow hit her in her abdomen. Stomach bile made it’s way up to her mouth, mixing itself with the blood making Lena gag. 

“NO…” Lena could hear Kara struggling against her bindings. The man, however, did not stop, hitting her in the head this time. Lena grunted in pain, spitting blood onto the floor. The man’s fist once again connected with Lena’s stomach, then chest, knocking all of the air from her lungs. 

“Leave her alone! Please! Please! I’ll do anything!” Kara’s pleas grow louder and louder but the man showed no sign of stopping. Tears rolled down Kara’s cheeks. Lena could see the pain Supergirl was in, having to watch this horrific scene. 

After one particularly hard hit to the side of the head, Lena’s eyesight became slightly blurred. She could feel herself beginning to slip into unconsciousness. Or maybe she was dying. Lena wasn’t sure. Another fist connected with Lena’s head. Was this Lillian’s plan? Have her killed in front of Supergirl to see how she’d take it? Lena’s train of thought was knocked out of her head by another blow. 

“NOOOO!” Lena looked up at Kara, thanks to the numerous blows to the head it was hard to focus on the other woman but she seemed to be vibrating. Shaking. With anger, agony?   
Kara let out a gutwrenching scream and then the room filled with a bright light. A powerful wave of energy made Lena’s chair tipped over. She fell backwards, hitting the back of her the head on the concrete floor. Metal clattered to the ground. Lena’s vision was now completely dark and her other senses seemed to be leaving her by the second. The last thing she could remember was a pair of shaky hands lifting her up off the ground. 

~~~~

Lena awoke with a grunt, moving her hand over her bruised and bandaged head. 

“Hey, you’re awake.” Kara said softly. Lena looked to the right side of her bed, a fatigued smile spreading on her face. 

“What happened? How long have I been out?” Lena tried to sit up but winced when a stinging pain in her abdomen fired up. 

“You’ve been out for an hour, maybe two.” 

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” Lena looked at Kara, seeing a slight blush form on her cheeks. 

“I wanted to be here when you woke up.” Kara said, smiling at the raven-haired woman in front of her. 

Lena herself could feel her cheeks redden. 

“So what happened? How did we get out of there?” The last moments she was conscious her vision had been so blurred that making out what was going on had been very difficult. 

“If I’ll be honest I don’t really know myself. All I remember was the pain, the pain of- of seeing you, in that chair and there just being this intense heat inside me. Which must’ve exploded because the next thing I know I’m free and running towards you.” Kara finishes, her brow furrowed. 

“And I was the one who was supposed to save you…” Lena hung her head. 

“No Lena I was the one who got myself into that whole mess in the first place, going and confronting your mother like that. It was impulsive and stupid.” Kara took Lena’s hand in her own. “I just can’t bear seeing you getting hurt.” 

Lena didn’t know what to say. She blushed, looking down at their intertwined hands desperately looking for the right words to say. She wanted to tell Kara what Alex had told her on the flight over. To tell her how she felt the same way. But her insecurities stopped her. Kara deserved someone less damaged. With a sane mind and a sane family. 

At that moment a DEO operative entered the MED bay making the two women’s hands quickly separate.   
“You should rest. I’ll have to fly you back in a few hours.” Kara left after giving the Luthor a small smile. 

Lena laid back. Right, she’d have to go back to the hospital. Letting out a loud sigh Lena tried her best to fall asleep once more, dreading her return to the ward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter and I know I could've done better but I'm also tired and need to be moving this fic along so here you go


	10. Released

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And your leaves have all gone well so we have set a release date for you.” She smiled at Lena. “How do you feel about that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just needed to finish this fic so that'll be it. I know I could probably make a few more chapters but I wanna start working on new stuff and don't feel super inspired when it comes to this story anymore. I hope you've enjoyed reading this little story of mine and I hope that you maybe read some of my past or future works.

Kara had returned Lena to Dublin the following day. She landed just outside of the inner city to ensure no one would see them. 

“I know you probably don’t want to go back but you have to. Trust me I’d rather have you back home but they’ll be looking for you.” Kara said apologetically. Lena nodded and with a small squeeze Kara darted up into the sky leaving Lena to start walking to the hospital. It took her longer than it should’ve because Lena was dragging her step behind her, wishing Kara didn’t have to leave her here, again. 

“Oi, you!” Lena stopped dead in her tracks, turning slowly to her left. Two policemen were jogging towards her. When they caught up to her their eyes widened in shock, obviously noticing the various bruising on the woman’s body. “Are you Lena McGrath?” the taller one of the two asked.

“Yes,” Lena answered, looking down at her feet. 

“We have orders to take you in if you resurfaced. To then be brought back to the unit, do you understand?” 

“Yes.” 

One of the policemen started walking towards a police car a few meters behind them so she followed. 

The nurses at the hospital were stunned as Lena was escorted onto the closed ward. They time and time again asked her where she’d been the past few days but Lena kept that information for herself, knowing that they’d never believe her even if she told the truth. 

“I don’t know where you’ve been Lena or how you got all these wounds but nevertheless I’m glad you’re back.” Nurse Lovettes said with a sincere look on her face. 

~~~~

“Kara,” the head doctor smiled at the blonde, “I understand you’re here because Lena requested it. To support her.” Kara looked over at the grey-haired woman in her white coat and smiled. 

“That’s right Doc.” The doctor nodded, smiled, looking from Kara to Lena and then looked down at her papers. 

“So Lena, since you went missing and resurfaced you’ve made some incredible progress over these past few months,” the doctor said as she looked at her notes, then back up to Lena, “and your leaves have all gone well so we have set a release date for you.” She smiled at Lena. “How do you feel about that?” 

The brunette looked at the older woman, soaking up what she’d just been told. A small hint of panic crossed her features before Lena took a deep breath and answered.   
“A little scary but mostly good. Yeah mostly good.” She answered honestly. 

“That is to be expected. Now the only thing to be discussed is your housing. You are not permitted to live alone for the first few weeks of returning home. Do you have any family or friends you could stay with during that time?” 

Lena hesitated and before she could answer Kara jumped in. 

“She can stay with me. If- if you want to of course.” Kara said the last part with a hint of uncertainty in her voice, cursing herself for possibly speaking too soon. 

“I’d like that.” Lena placed her left hand of Kara’s thigh, a blush creeping its way onto both women’s cheeks

“Excellent! You can both start counting down the days.” 

~~~~

Kara’s keys jingled as she unlocked the door to her flat. They had made a quick stop to Lena’s penthouse when they got back to National City so their hands were filled with clothes and some essential toiletries that Lena needed for her extended stay at Kara’s. 

“You can put your things in the bedroom and I’m gonna assume you still remember where the bathroom is,” Kara said jokingly, throwing the keys in a ceramic bowl on one of the shelves then following Lena to put the things she carried with the other stuff. 

“I’m pretty sure I know where it is.” Lena gave Kara a teasing smile. 

“So what would you like to do today? It’s still only um,” Kara looked down at her wristwatch, “11 o’clock.” 

“I’d like to swing by L-corp. Just to see what needs to be done.”

“Are you sure? You’ve only just gotten back.” 

“I’ve been gone for too long Kara… The longer I wait, the more work there’ll be once I’m finally back.” Lena looked at Kara, her tone signalling that her decision was final. 

“I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed, that’s all.” Kara reached out, gently stroking Lena’s arm. 

“I know…” Lena placed her hand over Kara’s, giving it a light squeeze. 

~~~~

The elevator ride up to the top floor was quiet. Kara tried her best not to be tense, for Lena’s sake, but she was finding it difficult. The last time Lena had been in her office she had tried to chuck herself over the balcony. The blonde glanced over at the brunette, she seemed calm. Externally anyways, but that was one of Lena’s specialities. Seeming fine, hiding her emotions, holding out until the last ounce of self-control is gone. These thoughts did not help sooth Kara’s anxious mind. 

The elevator let out a soft bing as the doors opened on the top floor. Kara followed Lena as she started walking, pushing open the heavy doors to her office and stepping through. And then she stopped. Kara almost walked in into Lena’s back. 

The blonde quickly spun around the young Luthor. Lena’s eyes were glossed over, staring in the direction of the balcony. Kara could hear Lena’s heart beating a million miles a second but at the same time, she wasn’t breathing. 

“Hey, hey Lena.” Kara tried to gently get Lena’s attention but she wasn’t even sure if the brunette could hear her. “Lena, honey can you focus on my voice?” The other woman didn’t budge, her eyes filling with thick tears. 

Kara took one of Lena’s hands in her own, then the other. “Can you look at me, please? Can you do that for me?” Lena’s head slowly turned, loud sobs now escaped her mouth. Lena leaned into Kara, burying her face in the Kryptonians shoulder. Kara wrapped her up in a warm embrace, stroking the sobbing Luthor’s back. 

“I- I really thought- thought I could do this…” Lena said in-between sharp intakes of breath. 

“You can do this, just not today. But that’s okay, Lena. It’s okay.” Tried her best to soothe Lena though a new wave of violent sobs making their way through her body. 

They stayed like that even long after Lena’s loud sobs turned to tired sniffles and soft hickups. Kara stroking her back, making soothing noises. 

“I’m sorry…” Lena sniffled after a while. “I’m being stupid.” She pushed Kara away but the blonde took one of her hands, the other placing itself under Lena’s chin, lightly guiding the young Luthor’s eyes to face her. Green met blue. Kara gave her a reassuring smile. 

“You are not being stupid. You’ve been through so much Lena and you’ve always come out on the other end. I am so, so proud of you.” 

The last word was almost swallowed by the blonde as Lena stood up on her toes, connecting their lips. It only took a second for Kara to recover before she felt herself leaning into the tender kiss. The fingers that had been placed under the brunettes chin just a few moments ago now moved to the Luthor’s cheek, her thumb caressing the brunette’s damp face. 

Their lips parted after what felt like an eternity, it feeling like too much and not enough at the same time. Both women could feel their heads spin as they processed what had just happened. They let their foreheads lean against each other, heavy breaths escaped their lips. 

“I’m so happy you’re still here.” Kara broke the silence, leaning back to look at Lena. 

“I am too,” Lena answered. And for the first time in a long time, she felt herself truly believing in her words. She knew that the road ahead would be tough but with Kara by her side, she felt like maybe it would be worth the struggles and ups and downs.   
Stepping forward Kara once again engulfed Lena in a tight hug. “I am too.” Lena sighed contently.


End file.
